Transgender surgery is a big, yet positive, step. If your partner is going to undergo a chest masculinization procedure, there are ways you can support them and show that you’re in their corner.
Have A Conversation
It’s a good idea for you to have a conversation with your partner and their surgeon (if possible), so you know what to expect after transgender surgery. There will be blood and bandages, and if you’re squeamish, tell your partner beforehand and warn them that you might get queasy. They’ll understand. Not everyone can handle stuff like that with grace. Furthermore, you should understand the surgery itself. Ask your partner or their surgeon to explain everything from the type of anesthesia used to the incision process. The more you know about the surgery, the more helpful you can be to your partner.
Don’t Ask Questions, Offer Help
After your partner undergoes transgender surgery, don’t ask them what you can do. Instead, offer to help. When you ask someone, “What can I do?” you’re creating mental work for them. They’ve just had surgery; they’re tired, groggy, and probably in pain, so don’t ask, just help. Offer to do things to make them more comfortable, such as bringing extra pillows and making sure they have water to drink. You can also make them food, do the dishes and laundry, and help them get dressed. Following top surgery, your partner will not be able to lift their arms without pain for the first week or so. Help them into shirts that button up or have a zipper so they don’t need to raise their limbs. In addition, be gentle. Your partner is recovering from surgery and they need their rest.
Remember That This Is About Them
Your partner’s transgender surgery is about them. It is not about you. Since you have decided to support them as they masculinize their chest, you’re already helping them get through this confusing, yet positive, time in their life just by being there. It’s normal to miss their old, female-looking chest the first time you are intimate after their surgery, and it’s okay to tell your partner that. However, if you love them, you’ll adapt and forget they even had a female chest in the first place.
Please contact us for more information about transgender surgery. Whether it is for you or your partner, we can help you understand the procedure and decide if it’s the right move.