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When To Tell Your Partner You Are Transgender

Posted by on 19 February 2018

They say that honesty is the best policy but when it comes to telling your partner you are transgender, it’s important to use your discretion. Not everyone is going to be accepting of your true self. We still have a long way to go as a society towards trans rights and acceptance. There is no right time to tell your partner you are transgender. You have to trust your gut. To help you, we’ve created three scenarios below that could prove to be opportune times to tell your partner your story.

When To Tell Your Partner You Are Transgender

  1. First date: First dates can be tricky because you have a limited time to make a first impression. You may also be nervous and worried about how you come across to the person sitting across from you on the date. If you feel like you’ve made a connection with this person, you can casually bring up the transgender community to see how they react. If they react positively, you can decide if you want to tell them in that moment that you are trans. This is a heavy discussion to have on a first date, so if the person you’re with acts negatively towards your big reveal, leave. Your safety always comes first.

  2. After several dates: Some people wait until after several dates to mention that they are trans. After spending time with someone, you can usually get a feel for who they are. You may also want to have a sexual experience with this person and this may reveal post-op scars (if you’ve had FTM surgery), a chest binder, prosthetics etc. Some people do not want to be naked and vulnerable when telling someone that they are trans. On the contrary, others may find this is the best time to mention that they are trans. It’s all up to you and how comfortable you feel.

  3. When you get serious: If you are using the term “partner,” it’s safe to assume that you are in a serious relationship. If your partner supports you, they will love you no matter what. You can choose to reveal that you are trans if you trust your partner. They may have to overcome their surprise and emotions towards this new information about you. However, if they are a good person, they won’t harbour any resentment and continue to cherish you for who you are now and not who you used to be.

When deciding when to tell your partner that you are trans, it all comes down to this: do you feel safe? As long as you trust the person you are involved with, you can tell them at any time. It’s your life, your body, and it’s up to you to decide who and when you share your amazing story with.


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